I have written a very difficult blog today - the answer to Jenny's rant against Christianity. It was very hard to write, especially as she wrote on Good Friday: on the day that Christ ended external sacrifice for ever in our culture. And then Skeeta died, and then Nan. So what is the purpose of their deaths if there is no "divine plan"? None. For me, the purpose is was in their lives, how I coped with their loss and how I celebrated their lives. How they changed me. The purpose of their deaths for them was different, and the purpose for everyone else is their own to determine. It is their lives that had the greatest value.
So I said I don't believe in predesination. Yes, me, who still looks at horoscopes and toys with the tarot. Why do I do those things? Because I think that I know me best and they can offer me a chance to reconsider how I respond to things by priming my mind to think along a particular path. The bible does the same thing.
I am now shedding the hard parts of my faith - those things I can't live with anymore. I have long since left the virgin birth behind, and the creation of the world in a few days. Now it's time to see God as within everyone, not external to us. And I'm a universalist - I think I have been for a very long time.
Now it is time for me to stop fighting with my faith, and accept what I love, and let go of what no longer works for me. It's time to shed those leaves and let my soul stop the battle, recover, and look to a new spring.
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