I didn't get the Sector Manager role. Tracy did. It's kind-of the best possible outcome for me - she is probably the only person I would have respected in the role (possibly including myself), and almost certainly the only choice I can live with. She is, after all, my boss.
But I am disappointed. Why? I knew that every other candidate had more experience than me, and that my true history here has been chequered, and most certainly not exemplary. But still. In my heart I thought 'I'm worth more money than they're giving me, and I reckon I can do this job'. The panel didn't think so.
So now I turn my attention to the AM role - which is serious second best for me. I didn't want to be back doing assessments if possible, and I think I have more to give in the tech area than the assessment.... but, in truth, I am a good trainer, and I am very good with quality managers and sites, so there are strengths that I don't like using. I don't like them because I find people draining and I struggle to cope with spreading myself across people.
But now there's going to be about 20-23 people applying for 10 AM roles, and I'm not going to get one of those either, and they say I interview well (that's what Trish reported back to me from all members of the panel), so what? I'm going to go into the AM interview (Tony vdB, Andrew Johnson & a Sector Manager - I suppose it would be too much to hope for it to be Tracy??). I'm going to sell myself to bits again, and still end up here just an Program Coordinator - not even the status of an SSO and deputy managers no longer exist so I can't even claim that.
The only thing to hope is that they give me the acting SM while Tracy's on mat leave, but I reckon they'll advertise for that and I'll have to fight for it again. And my experience is not enough, so I'm going to lose every time.
And I don't feel well. I'm coming down with a cold I think, and I screwed up with the DoHA report last week ( I converted the codes incorrectly). So maybe I was overreaching; perhaps I don't deserve it. BUT I WANTED IT. not to mention the money. I'm going to be paying for my kids for years yet, and Linda earns nothing, I need to earn more to be able to do anything to get ahead, and I'm getting old. er. older. Not old. perhaps.
I am disappointed. After the screw up with the report there is a small bit of me thinking ' I wasn't really up to it anyway'.
Fuck it.
That's enough. I need to work.
Thursday, 9 June 2011
Friday, 3 June 2011
after the interview
10:00am
I had my interview this morning. As always, I took my folder of testimonials and evidence, and, as always, it didn't get opened.
I switched off the light later than I intended last night - 'cos it took longer to read a chapter 'cos the phone kep ringing (Sarah and my sister). Then I slept pretty well, but struggled to wake up. Linda finally gave me a coffee at 6am, and I struggled to get up a few minutes later. I wanted to leave by 7am. I had showered last night, so just had to wash and straighten my hair, have breakfast, dress, do makeup and go... didn't weigh in. I left the house just on 7.
I got to work at 7:40, and had time to fire up computers, organise my folder (clipping everything in so that stuff doesn't drop out), have a chat with my neighbours, and go to the ladies before standing waiting outside the interview room at about 7:57.
Then I got to do some deep breathing and centering before they called me in.
The interview went for 50 minutes. I think I acquitted myself well. I think it went well. I came out feeling quite good and buzzy. I'm glad I didn't withdraw, but they made it clear that alot of people have applied for this one, and it sounds like many of them have been here alot longer than me (Jennifer actually said that it was nice to have received an application from someone relatively new to NATA - I've been here 3 years, less two weeks!!). I didn't ask about money, so I don't know how much the payrise would be - or even if there IS a pay rise; this is NATA, after all...
Interestingly, Rob Passam made a comment about VH doing the DoHA data on N-Cs manually! Lyn told me that Rob had read my submission on that matter and had chosen not to use my IP... No. Rob didn't know. MANUALLY!! I wish I knew WHY???
Reading between the lines, it also sounds like no-one applied for the Life Sciences SM role. Not surprised. It's a bit of a poisoned chalice. When asked, I didn't say an outright 'no' (I'm not good at that), but tried to explain why I thought my little field would be more interesting.
The decision will be made in about 10 days. The interviews for AMs should be notified next week - I expect to get one. I would rather do the SM job, though... More technical, more data, fewer irritating QMs.
Time to get on with some real work now...
5:50pm
It was a long day... If I had focussed earlier it could have been OK, but the interview really set my adrenaline off!
But now I've finished what I have to, so I'm going home.
I had my interview this morning. As always, I took my folder of testimonials and evidence, and, as always, it didn't get opened.
I switched off the light later than I intended last night - 'cos it took longer to read a chapter 'cos the phone kep ringing (Sarah and my sister). Then I slept pretty well, but struggled to wake up. Linda finally gave me a coffee at 6am, and I struggled to get up a few minutes later. I wanted to leave by 7am. I had showered last night, so just had to wash and straighten my hair, have breakfast, dress, do makeup and go... didn't weigh in. I left the house just on 7.
I got to work at 7:40, and had time to fire up computers, organise my folder (clipping everything in so that stuff doesn't drop out), have a chat with my neighbours, and go to the ladies before standing waiting outside the interview room at about 7:57.
Then I got to do some deep breathing and centering before they called me in.
The interview went for 50 minutes. I think I acquitted myself well. I think it went well. I came out feeling quite good and buzzy. I'm glad I didn't withdraw, but they made it clear that alot of people have applied for this one, and it sounds like many of them have been here alot longer than me (Jennifer actually said that it was nice to have received an application from someone relatively new to NATA - I've been here 3 years, less two weeks!!). I didn't ask about money, so I don't know how much the payrise would be - or even if there IS a pay rise; this is NATA, after all...
Interestingly, Rob Passam made a comment about VH doing the DoHA data on N-Cs manually! Lyn told me that Rob had read my submission on that matter and had chosen not to use my IP... No. Rob didn't know. MANUALLY!! I wish I knew WHY???
Reading between the lines, it also sounds like no-one applied for the Life Sciences SM role. Not surprised. It's a bit of a poisoned chalice. When asked, I didn't say an outright 'no' (I'm not good at that), but tried to explain why I thought my little field would be more interesting.
The decision will be made in about 10 days. The interviews for AMs should be notified next week - I expect to get one. I would rather do the SM job, though... More technical, more data, fewer irritating QMs.
Time to get on with some real work now...
5:50pm
It was a long day... If I had focussed earlier it could have been OK, but the interview really set my adrenaline off!
But now I've finished what I have to, so I'm going home.
Wednesday, 1 June 2011
Back on the wagon...
9:45am
I've lost 1.1kg this week (3rd weighing) after regaining all but 0.1 of the weight I had lost since starting Lite'n'Easy... My best weight was two days before going to Perth - 85.8 - and I've still got to lose another 0.8 to get there, and then progress again.
Tedious.
I think I'm beginning to get the portion-size thing, though. And the fruit. I have a piece of fruit every day for morning tea, and another with lunch, and a small piece of something for afternoon tea. Except for popcorn - that's a surprisingly big bag! I did the order for next week over breakfast - I've picked days 1-5 instead of 1,4-7: the meals on 2 & 3 looked better. It didn't occur to me to do that before... doh!
Now at work and feeling OK, despite the minor sleep deficits after doing homework on Monday night, and lecture last night. Early to bed tonight, after finishing ironing and washing the dog blankets. I may also get my CV 'evidence file' out tonight in case I have trouble finding it tomorrow...
back to work now.
12:15pm
Good mornings work! And the afternoon is looking pretty good... I didn't feel hungry at morning tea time, so I've only just had my apple - so I guess it will be a late lunch.
Bit of a downer - I've just realised that it's only 2 days to go until it means that I didn't get an Accreditation Manager interview... If i'm not good enough for an AM, what on earth makes me think I have a chance at the Sector Manager role? Then again, why would they interview me if I wasn't reasonable?? Maybe 'cos there weren't enough applicants? Am I just going to embarass myself? Should I call Trish and withdraw from Friday? I don't want to withdraw, not really, but nor do I wish to be humiliated. John Styz didn't want to talk to me this morning - I thought it may be because he was being ethical and not chatting with candidates (I was trying to be ethical and not chat to interviewers, at the time), but then I thought, what if he isn't talking to me 'cos I'm not good enough and he's embarassed for me?
Not a nice place to be, my head just now...
5:30pm
And then I just worked. it was a good afternoon! Lots to do tonight, so packing up NOW!
I've lost 1.1kg this week (3rd weighing) after regaining all but 0.1 of the weight I had lost since starting Lite'n'Easy... My best weight was two days before going to Perth - 85.8 - and I've still got to lose another 0.8 to get there, and then progress again.
Tedious.
I think I'm beginning to get the portion-size thing, though. And the fruit. I have a piece of fruit every day for morning tea, and another with lunch, and a small piece of something for afternoon tea. Except for popcorn - that's a surprisingly big bag! I did the order for next week over breakfast - I've picked days 1-5 instead of 1,4-7: the meals on 2 & 3 looked better. It didn't occur to me to do that before... doh!
Now at work and feeling OK, despite the minor sleep deficits after doing homework on Monday night, and lecture last night. Early to bed tonight, after finishing ironing and washing the dog blankets. I may also get my CV 'evidence file' out tonight in case I have trouble finding it tomorrow...
back to work now.
12:15pm
Good mornings work! And the afternoon is looking pretty good... I didn't feel hungry at morning tea time, so I've only just had my apple - so I guess it will be a late lunch.
Bit of a downer - I've just realised that it's only 2 days to go until it means that I didn't get an Accreditation Manager interview... If i'm not good enough for an AM, what on earth makes me think I have a chance at the Sector Manager role? Then again, why would they interview me if I wasn't reasonable?? Maybe 'cos there weren't enough applicants? Am I just going to embarass myself? Should I call Trish and withdraw from Friday? I don't want to withdraw, not really, but nor do I wish to be humiliated. John Styz didn't want to talk to me this morning - I thought it may be because he was being ethical and not chatting with candidates (I was trying to be ethical and not chat to interviewers, at the time), but then I thought, what if he isn't talking to me 'cos I'm not good enough and he's embarassed for me?
Not a nice place to be, my head just now...
5:30pm
And then I just worked. it was a good afternoon! Lots to do tonight, so packing up NOW!
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