In Hobart for training

My first time in Hobart! Flew in this morning, had training all day, and this evening I've had a walk around, found a distillery to taste whisky in, bought something small to take back for the kids, and now I'm doing my e-mail stuff at an internet cafe (first time I've ever used one!). They've put us up in a really nice hotel (Hadleys) - right in the city, very close to Salamanca. And they have put me and the other person from work in separate rooms. I am SO grateful. I am feeling the pain of Tony's leaving more and more. I am awfully fragile, and being here, instead of at home is an absolute blessing. I really like it here, the pace, and the ... shape, feel ... of Hobart is wonderful.

Gretha and I are meeting at 7pm (very soon) at the hotel to find somewhere nice for dinner. I'm at the Hudson's just a few doors up, so I can push the time a bit... however, I'd like to check my emails tomorrow, and I've only got 5mins left on the card, so I guess I'd better go.

I am so tired. And it's only Monday, and we've got 5 full months before more holidays.

Tony and I are on good terms at the moment. He is looking for somewhere to live - locally - and we have been able to talk about 'where next' pretty well. We actually went to the movies together on Saturday evening (saw 'Fantastic four' - it was good fun). We have resolved to make an effort to maintain a close relationship, and see how he goes over the next 6-12 months. So I'm leaving my wedding ring on for the time being.
I have a horrible amount of tax paperwork to do - and it has to be done soon because he needs the stuff for CentreLink to process him properly. And at work I'm struggling with an audit ('cos there were so many problems with the project that I've got lost in where the appropriate data are), and the training I was due for on Thursday and Friday is off 'cos my application went in too late ... NATA suggested I go to Hobart for the next round, but I'm not sure they'll go for that. Still I can hope.
Sarah just rang: hysterical because her brother is having a go at her for not being at school. When I spoke to him I forbore to mention that he should be out at a job - any job. I am tired, and my eyes ache and I want to curl up alone and disappear.

He's gone. I think I feel better now.

After being with him for 23+ years, the last 20.5 married, last Wednesday the severe depression that has hounded my husband made it impossible for him to go on living with us. He told our priest that he still wanted to live with me - that he still loves me, in fact - but that he cannot live with the children. He moved out. It could have been much worse. He could have found that he could not live at all. He has often been suicidal, at least this time he was able to divert that despair into something else.
My first reaction devastated me - I wasn't upset per se, I was relieved... 15 or so years of supporting him through bout after bout of depression, with all of its attendant disordered thoughts, and my own variable coping/lack of coping ... and now that weight is gone. I think I was just numb until Saturday when we actually had an argument about him smashing (literally) the thermostat just before he left (and he switched off the fan, and shut off the pilot light). It is mid-winter here, and so cold. And the drier doesn't work. It was just awful. anyway, we parted on reasonable (but cool) terms Saturday evening, and I fixed the heater first thing Sunday morning.
Church Sunday evening was really difficult. It was part of the Sermon on the Mount - the bit that goes 'if someone slaps your cheek offer the other one, if someone forces you to go one mile, go two' etc. I feel as though that is the story of living with a partner with major depression, and with him there, and being asked to think about what that passage means to me was really painful.
So now here I am, where I never thought I'd be, and where I can't really think at all.


-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR:Kilaxi COMMENT-DATE:2:58 AM COMMENT-BODY:Hi
I'm sorry for what happened. Hope everything works out for you!!!
Kilaxi

Highly distractable today

We went out for lunch for Mum's birthday yesterday, and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. I did. Then when we came back I tried to settle to the work I've brought home or to the accounts or to the tax, and I completely failed. By the time I finally went to bed my mind was so agitated that I couldn't sleep properly. So. Feeling tired and stressed and worried about my current state of distractability. and blogging is NOT helping the matter this morning, so I'd better get back to work.

Rani isn't well

It's about 1am. And long after my bedtime, but it has been an amazing day. Jackie has got a new job and is so excited. I kind-of am for her - I'll miss her terribly at work, but she will be so much happier away from the Uni. She's been here too long.
And the last place I worked at has just had a major re-structure, and Emily is ecstatic at the changes. The bully who made her life a veritable misery for over 2 years has been made redundant.
On the down-side, Skeeta is now in full season, and the males are just insufferable. And poor old Rani has something wrong with his back. I wish Tony had taken appropriate notice of it and gone to the vet, but he is still suffering awfully with depression, and he just can't think through that much stuff.
OK. I am incredibly tired. So I'm off to bed.