...I got caught out by agreeing to cook Sarah's dinner. She got home at about 9.30, and given that I'd said I would, I was cooking again till nearly 10pm.
I ended up going to bed 30 mins late. Given the circumstances, 30 mins was pretty good. This morning I thought I'd slept in, 'cos the finance report was on the radio, but they've moved that segment, so I was still within limits. I got myself out on time today! And I'm getting better at settling to my work. Still not particularly good, but getting better.
My new dilemma is that last night one of my credit card companies sent me a letter offering to increase my credit limit. I think that I should throw it out. However, a bit of slack (knowing that I'll be clearing all the cards when the loans are renegotiated) would make life alot easier for the next couple of months. But can I control it? I am not very good with money. I'm ill-disciplined with everything, and money is no exception. I'm better than I used to be, but I still have a long way to go. I actually think that if I was just looking after myself I could do it, but I'm hopeless saying 'no' to the kids (one of Tony's key issues with me) when they need help, and they are like a constant leak out of my bank account.
If I got the credit I could get my bike serviced and fixed, and then I'd be that much better off with the cost of petrol (the fact that the bike won't start is a significant disincentive to me riding - the fact that the front bearings are shot is the other one).
I want to do it, 'cos it would help so very much, but I am afraid of it. Maybe that's an improvement in me coming out - a year ago I'd have just sent it off with the sure expectation that things would get better 'soon' and that I could get it back under control in just a little while. This time I am reasonably assured that a real source of cash will clear my credit debt within the next 6-8 weeks, and my nerves about it getting out of control might - if I can be lucky enough - just be the appearance of the money discipline that I have been trying so hard to develop in myself for such a very, very long time.
I made some mini-milestones this morning - dogs to be let out at 7-7.10, in shower by 7.30-ish, getting dressed by 8am, in car at 8.20. It was good. I had a bit of leeway, and I found it easier to take the time to do what I was doing. Not sure yet how I can apply this concept in other areas of my life, in particular, in other timeslots: mornings are relatively easy 'cos there is only me to worry about. Evenings are way more complicated, but they are the main block that I need to regain control over. I won't even raise the prospect of weekends....
I could go to the dentist with some of that money, too.
I could also buy clothes - which I absolutely MUST NOT DO.
Nor must I spend it on whisky.
I don't know, though. I'd probably be better off not getting the extra.
This evening I'm dropping in to Virginia's to pick up stuff that Sarah left there last time she visited. That will just about double my trip home - Sarah will have to give me some money for petrol before the end of this week I think. I've just gone to Whereis.com.au to get instructions for getting there from here, and it looks pretty straightforward - it's nearly 10km closer than home!
I think I am starting to feel better about things - including me. I've lost a couple of kilos (lots more to go, though), started exercising again (my CV fitness always picks up quickly - I hope to be going back to the gym again soon), been getting out of bed at a reasonable hour, and recently started cooking actual meals again. I've also got the money ... well, if not actually under control, it's at least a carefully observed chaos, as compared to a rampaging, out of control, wild bull in the proverbial china shop of my life. And I'm enjoying dressing up - fancy knickers and lovely bras, stockings, cute shoes, styled hair, makeup (although not too much makeup - I think it makes me look a bit too lined), and ummm, waxing... Of course, noone else knows about the lingerie or the waxing, but they feel nice anyway. I just need more money.... and so, back to the earlier dilemma: to get the extra credit or not. I really don't know, and now I'm going to do some work.
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