Then over the last couple of weeks I have put what resources I have into a major life-planning exercise. Now I have goals and milestones, and a means of tracking the process. One of the major things that really worries me about it is that I think I may be expecting a lot of myself to maintain the pace. I’m not good at allowing enough time for things. I think I need to go through and re-set the milestones, make them more achievable. On the other hand, I have to be careful that the deadlines are not so flexible that I lose focus on the goal…
Another significant concern (the only other one likely to screw me up) is that I am not very disciplined. I get tired – mentally and physically, and the kids leave messes that I am constantly needing to deal with before I get to the next bit. So, for example, I get home from work at about 7pm. I can’t make dinner straight away ‘cos the kitchen’s a mess. Do I clean up and start cooking around 8pm, or do I spend money and buy some sort of takeaway, and be finished eating by 8pm? If I cook, then it’ll be 9pm before I finish eating and clean up, and I want to head off to my room for downtime by 10pm, so one hour to do cleaning, dog stuff, exercise, kid interaction, relationship maintenance (that is, phone calls). Often the list is so long that I don’t do any of it … and so everything gets put back, and within a couple of weeks I’ve got used to the idea that I can’t meet my goals.
OK. The solution seems so terribly obvious – I have to revise the quantity of stuff I set for myself to do. I REALLY need some positive reinforcement from getting through the lists…. Right. I’ve stretched the weekly tasks over 4 weeks... I even spread the ‘monthly’ tasks over 12 weeks. That might leave enough slack in my time to meet goals. Maybe. I want to be a dynamic, happening person who is energised by completion of tasks and is really organised. Unfortunately, I get wound up in doing stuff I didn’t plan to do, don’t like, and usually doesn’t contribute to my goals. Stuff like driving people around. Listening to Tony. Long conversations with people I don’t really want to talk to… That sort of thing. And then there’s the stuff I DO want to do – like going out for dinner/drinks with people I like. I have been doing that more often and it’s messing up my to-dos. I guess I need to allow more flexibility….
I am really tired, but at least the house is tidy at the moment. Not ‘right’ – ‘cos there’s still a lot of painting to do, etc – but pretty good. With the revised goals list I hope I can do everything on my list and still get an hour off, and into bed at a decent hour tonight. I am so very, very, tired.
I think I’ll call Sean on the way home. I’ve upgraded my phone plan after last month (my phone bill topped $417); I don’t plan to use THAT much again, but I don’t want to lose the opportunity to do catch up calls in the car. I’ve increased the cap by $20, and if it looks like I need it, later in the year I will consider increasing it by another $20.
In terms of food I’ve been pretty good today – I had a good breakfast (poached eggs on toast), and I’ve eaten fruit as well. But I haven’t been sensible. I haven’t eaten anything else, and now I am very, very hungry. And tired. So tomorrow I think I will bring a sandwich to toast; now that I’ve put myself back on dietary restrictions I don’t want to sabotage myself by getting overly hungry.
